Unfortunately, life is unpredictable.

Life consists of moments you can not be prepared to face. Is tough to go through these times but is a part of growth and transformation. Being in the hard moment it feels like it will never end and never will get better.

Looking back at my hard times I can see how much stronger and wiser I have became . I would never choose to change my past.

During my hardest moments I felt lost , I had no energy, I had no hope for a better tomorrow. In today’s world of,, achievements ‘’ things are getting more complicated. We are constantly in the ,, proactive,, mode. With high competition, high expectations and big dreams, it’s almost impossible to stop. It feels like,,If you stop you lose,,

In those few years after difficult break-ups, career fails, few immigrations, I learned how to take care of myself and take a slower approach to everything. It helped me restart and regain my powers to move on. I want to share it with you.

1. Make ,,recovering ‘’ your goal

Is important to understand that you are going through delicate period. Emotional tough time consumes more energy than physical activities ,it’s normal to feel burned-out and tired. You are already on the minimum of your energy level.

When you are ill ,or you have a fever or a food poisoning are you expecting yourself to go for a run? To wake up at 6 am and complete all 20 tasks in your,, to-do list’’ ? I hope you wouldn’t don’t that. I hope you let yourself rest and heal.

The only goal you should have now is to get better asap . Treat emotional situations the same as physical illness. At the moment your goal is not to make achievements, your goal is to recover.

2.,,To do list’’ consist of 3 tasks.

In our modern world is hard to live slowly and take things easy. I used to have a high expectation and feel down when I would not be very active throughout the day. For me this point was one of the hardest to follow without feeling self-hate.

Reduce your daily tasks to 3 points. It should be something easy to achieve . This will make you feel proud of your self at the end of the day. And slowly will help you to increase your self-esteem and confidence because you can achieve small goals. When you have a long list of tasks and your physically are not capable of doing all of them when you end up doing nothing .

Procrastination creates self-hate if you are someone like my who can’t just do anything .

3. Reduce your self expectations

As you can see in the previous point you should take things slow and easy. You are already down and your energy level and self-esteem suffered. Be thoughtful about the period you are going through . An important part of self-care is to reduce the expectations to minimum .

I would normally go for a 30 minutes walk most of the days. When I was down my energy level was low. I felt so much resistance doing anything. I knew I am going far ahead of my body limits if I will go for a long walk .I used to feel lazy and hate myself for that.

Resistance was just a way my body was telling me ,,Enough-I need a rest,, I learned to listen to my body needs and be realistic of what I am capable at the moment.

Keeping high expectations creates a lot of pressure . And more than ever I needed to be calm and relaxed . I choose to change my normal 30 minutes for 5 minutes walk. Some days I would choose to just have a coffee in the garden so I can just be surrounded by fresh air.

It still gave me a feeling of achievement without pressure and resistance .

4. Be patient with yourself.

Recovery takes time. The same as with the flu or an injury it will take time to recover. Everyone is an individual and needs a different amount of time to get better . Take the process slowly , be patient and give yourself space and as much time to recover as you need.

When I was small I had a food allergy. My mom was teaching me to take care of my body. She explained the correlation between food and eczema I had . I knew I had to be patient and be thoughtful with what I eat. One chocolate will delay my recovery for 2 weeks.

I feel like emotions were never something to take into count . I was neglecting the correlation between body fatigue and emotions. The idea of being tired because of emotional burnout was non-sense . I was missing a big part of the information about how my emotions affect my body . Getting older I started reading and educating myself about emotions.

Now my body and my mind are the same important for me . I am patient with myself on the days I am down .Emotional injuries need the same recovery time as a physical ones or even more.

5. Listen to your body.

With our ambitious and goal achieving mentality is hard to listen to your inner voice . In our days we learn to PUSH without taking into count our limits .

I use to set myself a goal of 10.000 steps a day. In normal periods it will be easy . The days I was down I would feel resistance .Getting dressed will take me more time and energy than a long walk. I will leave the house being already tired.

After 5.000 steps my body will be exhausted. I will struggle even to get back home. Just imagining myself walking the way back was terrifying me . I wasn't physically able to do anything else that day.

I choose to take a different approach . I would let myself laying in the bed and accumulating energy as much as I need. I would constantly ask myself ,,Do you feel ready to do this? ,, and I would follow the answer . After a few days, I was already feeling better, having more energy and a better mood.

During this period of recovery try to listen to your body .Respect what your body needs.

6. Be ready for a longer sleep.

It becomes a trend to wake up early. To be active and finish most of your task in the first part of the day. Doing the opposite labels you as a ,,LAZY ’’ person.

After a hard break-up and moving back home after a failed emigration I felt extremely tired in all aspects of my life. I didn’t have any energy. I felt like I didn’t have any feelings left. I was drained and empty.

Then I choose to let my body recover. I said to myself ,,I would sleep as much until I would feel is enough’’ . In the beginning, I was terrified. I was sleeping for 10 hours.The days I will stop my sleep after 8 hours I will feel exhausted again .

After 1 month just by increasing my sleep time, I was already noticing the difference. I was getting my energy back. I started having feelings. I started having dreams and goals. After a few more months I came to normal.

7. Be gentle with yourself

Be gentle with your feeling and wishes. Don’t force yourself . Now is not the period to achieve.

8. Make every day 3 things that makes you happy.

What small things make you happy?

-Enjoying your cup of coffee with your favourite TV show ?

-Enjoying the sunset in your local park ?

-Incent sticks ?

-Online dance class ?

Note all small things you never had enough time for. Now is the perfect time to start introducing them to your daily routine .

9. Surround yourself with people who will support you

People around us makes a big impact on our lives. If you, unfortunately, are surrounded by toxic people , and their support makes things look even bitter try to minimise communication with them .Ideally cut the connections .

Advises like :

-,,Stop being weak, you use to be soo strong, what happened to you ? ’’

-,, This is nothing to be upset ,why you are making things up?’’ ,

-,,You don't know what real problems are’’

-,,You are a woman/man stop acting like a child’’

This kind of people makes you feel worst and you will try to go back in ,,Achievement mode’’ totally neglecting your needs .

Our surrounding is not only parents and friends. Information we consume, the bloggers we follow, the YouTubers we are watching . Be careful with what feelings all these social media brings you .How does it make you feel?

Surround yourself with information that is easy and pleasant.

10. Let yourself feel . Explore your feelings.

Some modern trends are very toxic and are ruining our lives. The positive thinking concept teaches us to avoid any negative feelings.Negative feelings are the same important as positive ones. Covering up your true feelings is not helping you be happier.

We are ending up convincing ourselves that everything is fine when is not.This thinking is creating a victim mentality. When I was following this trend I was constantly feeling ,,Is my fault’’ ,,I should not feel this ‘’. I was neglecting my feelings, I was avoiding them. I was pretending to be happy then I was not.

Is normal to have different feelings, and special when you are down is normal to be sad, or neutral. Most of the time I am neutral. I don’t want to smile, but I am not sad as well.

Exploring the spectrum of feelings allow you to understand better what your real feelings are. One of the important thing about feelings is complexity. In different situations we have multiple feelings is never just one .

When I decide to move to London I was overwhelmed.

-Happy for a new change

-Upset about moving far from my family

-Scary to start everything from zero

-Exited of the new experience

-Worried that I could fail again

Allow your real feeling to be present. Explore your feelings.